Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are an interesting phenomenon for parents and those in the childcare profession. Much of the tantrums stem from frustration at not getting what they want, or seeking attention, or just feeling out of sorts. Instead of resisting what is occurring, take this as a learning opportunity for both you and the child.

Avoid The Power Struggles

Kids desire autonomy and independence, and when this is thwarted, they will tend to overreact. The stage is then set for a power struggle. Don’t go there. This just feeds into their game of manipulation.

Younger children, who still don’t have a command of the language, will tend to get upset when they are unable to express their needs. Tantrums tend to decrease as language skills improve.

Raising children is a wonderful challenge. Always remember that you are in charge regardless of what behaviors or reactions with which you are faced. Setting limits and boundaries are what children really want, even though they will never admit it. And when they have not had limits set consistently, they will rebel when you do set them, which results in a few tantrums.

Although most temper tantrums occur with children under five, I have worked with kids in their teens that still would throw quite a tantrum. Stay firm with your directives, keep the child safe, allow the tantrum to run its course, and then speak to your child and see what can be learned. Help your child understand that those feelings, thoughts and behaviors are not who they really are, so that they will not get caught up in making this an habitual pattern.

Alternatives To Tantrums

A child needs how to learn express frustration and anger in an appropriate fashion. The child needs to hear that he or she is okay, but their behavior is not. You can even ask your child who that was that was carrying on in such a way, as it certainly was not who they really are.

They will learn to understand that they can just say, “I am mad”, when upset without going through all the motions of a tantrum. Kids want to do the right thing, so it is our job to spell it out for them. It’ll take some time, but eventually the child will get it.

Lastly, pay attention to circumstances and settings that may set your child off. If a child loses it often in a grocery store for example, set positive expectations before you arrive. Let the child know what behavior to avoid and why.

Then get a verbal agreement from your child. Do this every time so that the child is reminded of what is expected. Above all, be kind and persistent, and you will find that your child learns to direct all that energy into much more productive channels. Click here to return to the Transforming Child Behavior Home page.

When done reviewing temper tantrums, click here to return to the Manage Care page.

SBI!