Power Struggles

Power struggles are prevalent in many family and therapeutic settings. This results from a mutual feeling of powerlessness, frustration and lack of control on the part of both parent/caregiver and child.

Oppositional defiant disorder in children makes this type of reaction more common. The parent wants to control the child and gets angry when the defiance shows up. The parent is angry because he or she feels threatened or challenged by the child. The parent feels that he or she should be the one in control.

The child on the other hand does not want to be controlled. The child learns that he or she can only establish him or herself through struggle and fighting. Both sides are into power. It is up to the adult to change this type of interaction.

Responsibility

The first step is for the parent to take responsibility by being aware of his or her part in this relationship and struggle. This is the beginning of healing the relationship. Then the parent can choose not to give in, as well as not to fight. The true power is in the disengagement from fighting and struggling.

By remaining emotionally stable and not engaging, the child has no one with whom to fight or struggle. Also a parent or caregiver must realize that it is not possible to make a child do anything. So there is no need to get all caught up with the illusion of that possibility.

Parents and caregivers can only influence, teach, inspire, motivate and encourage children to be positive and cooperative. Finally, once disengaged, parents and caregivers must act, and forget about speaking. Become proactive, use a behavior modification chart if desired, and be consistent. This will take the wind out of the child’s sails, and set up the atmosphere to later calmly discuss your expectations with the child.

Power struggles can destroy a parent-child relationship, as well as a child’s self esteem and self worth. This can later turn into rebellion and revenge. But this need not be the case. The true test of a relationship is to determine whether there is more anger, than love and peace present. Love leads and guides, and does not demand. This is the path to a more harmonious home life. Click here to return to the Transforming Child Behavior Home page.

When done reviewing Power Struggles, click here to return to the Manage Care page.

SBI!