High Self Esteem

A Bunch Of Beliefs

Self esteem is based on what we believe about ourselves in terms of competence and worth. These very beliefs act as powerful filters in determining what information on which we are allowed to focus. Emotions are tied into, and reinforce these beliefs, and thus provide the motive force that either propels us on the successful achievements, or keeps us stuck in frustration and despair.

Although our natural state is to have a high self esteem, the effects of conditioning, judgments, evaluations by self and others, lack of compassion and flexibility, and highly charged emotional experiences all combine to lower our confidence in ourselves and our abilities.

Hierarchy Of Needs

Psychologist Abraham Maslow created a scale called the Hierarchy of Needs where self esteem is near the top of the scale, right below self actualization. He stated that self esteem is critical for us to grow emotionally, spiritually and creatively. In this way we are able to feel and believe that we deserve happiness.

When we possess a healthy degree of self esteem we are able to love ourselves, as well as others. Psychologist Eric Fromm was very definite on this point. He felt that it is only truly possible to love others, when we love ourselves first. We are then sensitive to the feelings and needs of others. Also high self esteem allows our creativity to flourish.

Self Rejection

When we are on the opposite side of the scale with low self esteem, we are not only less effective in our day to day activities, but we look down upon ourselves, and reject our very right to exist. Jose-Vicente Bonet indicates that this lack of esteem for ourselves leads to depression.

I firmly believe that we are all genetically predisposed with certain strengths and weaknesses, and that our experiences in life act as triggers either for our benefit or detriment. In extreme cases, I believe that a very low degree of self esteem can lead to bipolar disorder depression and even schizophrenia causes. Under these circumstances, there is most likely a biochemical disturbance in the brain, but I see this as the effect of mental and emotional trauma that triggers the genetic predisposition, and not the cause of the malady itself. So we end up treating the effect, instead of addressing the cause.

Low self esteem puts us in such a hypersensitive state that we are gravely affected by criticism of others, and indulge in a heavy dose of self criticism as well. We become perfectionists, and develop unrealistic expectations for ourselves. We can become dissatisfied with most everything in our lives, and carry a high degree of hostility toward ourselves and others. With such a pessimistic attitude toward others, ourselves, and life, we find it near impossible to enjoy life.

Self Actualization

On the other side of the spectrum is the development of such a elevated degree of esteem, that we value ourselves very highly, and are thus able to interact effectively in the world, and relate well to others. Since our self esteem is dependent on our feelings, thoughts, values, perceptions, tendencies and evaluations, we are able to initiate effective change and actually transform our lives.

Each and every feeling, thought and decision we make is critical to this process. This is why positive parenting is so essential. A parent’s habits influence the development of those same habits of self perception in their kids. So we must be very careful to only reinforce a healthy dose of confidence and esteem in others.

High self esteem leads to happiness, and high achievement. The way we view the world (self, others, life), has a tremendous impact on our ability to function effectively, and affects our feelings of worth. Feeling good about ourselves is quite achievable once we realize that we can change our perceptions, and thus our entire view of existence.

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